Our Own Ultimate

As I was skimming around Amy Vanderbilt's Guide to Gracious Living today, I was struck by her decision to devote an entire section to "familiar words and phrases from other languages." It caught me off guard, because although the title of her (in my opinion fabulous) book lends itself to be a guide to everyday living, I wasn't sure how having a base knowledge in other languages (especially Latin, which we all know is a dead language) is something anyone (let alone a 50's housewife) would utilize every day. Or even once a week, for that matter.

But even as I type this, I'm having an ah-ha! moment, because therein lies the appeal of the 50's housewife, right? For lore tells us of a woman rich in grace and beauty, who keeps a spotless house, has 2.5 children with impeccable manners, a husband who adores her, and he with never a wrinkle to be found on his clothing, in addition to her being cultured. She may not use Latin or French every day, or even on most days...but the one day she needs to partake in the witty repartee of her husband's business associates and their spouses, she can do so with ease. Now that is something to aspire to.

The kind of society we should seek is that which stimulates us to express ourselves verbally, that spurs our intellectual processes, that makes us want to achieve our own ultimate (p. 467).

Our own ULTIMATE! What a fantastic concept. To just be the best we can be, stealing the Army's once famous motto. When I get tired and just down and out about my lack of 50's housewife skills, I can remember the goal is truly - to achieve my own ultimate. Even if I completely fall short of perfect (which, let's be honest - not even June or Margaret can call themselves that), I will still be a blessing to my family by striving for my personal best. And, as a writer and lover of literature, it brings me great pleasure to share some of Amy's list of familiar words and phrases from the language that's dead to the world, but not to us housewives...Latin!

ex cathedra - usually used in connection with a pronouncement from the Pope. Literally, "from his chair" or "officially."

ex libris - (among) the books (of), a bookplate with the owner's name, coat of arms, etc., to be pasted on the inside cover of a book

habeas corpus - a writ or order permitting a prisoner to be produced at a stated time to determine the court's right to detain him. This is a phrase beloved by crime reporters and mystery writers.

You see? Before today, I thought habeas corpus was just a line from Legally Blonde. We're learning so much already, aren't we?!

ipso facto - by the act itself

mare nostrum - our sea. A phrase used politically by the Italians to indicate the Mediterranean. And a phrase particularly liked by editorial writers.

A word of caution here, fellow housewives, if I may. I'm guessing it wouldn't go over well in the world for Americans to start referring to the Atlantic or the Pacific as mare nostrum. Just a thought!

multum in parvo - much in little

And that's where we'll end the language lesson for today. I hope you were all taking notes, housewives. The lesson within the lesson that Amy should wish to impart is that the learned housewife is the happiest housewife. Until next time, Valete! And if you don't know what that means, I'm afraid you'll have to look it up to get the joke!

Clergymen...Now and Then

We've already discussed one topic of considerable discomfort this week: politics. Today I say one good controversial topic deserves another. Having done very minimal research on the topic, I'd like to discuss how religion has changed from the 50's until now. Just kidding...we'd be here all YEAR.

I would, however like to address the change in how a church congregation might have esteemed their priest or pastor in the 50's versus how people might do so today. Obviously, there can be no generalizations - every congregation is different, today, as well as in the 50's. However, because this is meant to be a short musing on the topic, generalizations will have to here suffice. My apologies in advance if anyone is somehow offended by my "trying as hard as humanly possible not to be offensive" blog post.

I think there are probaby two major differences in a clergyman's relationship to his congregation back in the 50's vs. today. And I use "his" knowing full well there are many women pastors out there. However, all the churches I have attended have been pastored by men, so forgive me for being a bit sexist...again with the generalizations, I know!

The first difference was that the clergyman was a bit of a town celebrity back in the 1950's. It was definitely noteworthy if you saw the priest while out doing errands or out for dinner at night. He had this allure of speaking in front hundreds of people on Sundays, this authority figure to be listened to very carefully. Today, he's just another guy in the supermarket. And with all the churches in a given town, he might just as soon go unnoticed all together on any given day. Well, any day but Sunday, that is.

On the way out of church, a mother may shake the priest's hand and say "Good morning, Father." And he might smile and say a cheerful good morning in return. The mother secretly envied the person in front of them to whom he responded "Oh, good morning Martha. And how's little Davy this morning?" Because he obviously knew these people. Well, at least he knew their names. In a large congregation, this would be something only a small percentage could hope for. Because although he was an authority figure in the church and possibly the community at large, he was still only human...and that's a lot of names to remember!

The 1950's priest or pastor also had an air of mystery about him. Not many in the congregation knew how he spent his days or interacted with him socially. But many families wanted to. Again, it was the celebrity-ish appeal. And the allure of being on friendly terms with a pseudo-celebrity. I'm noticing that a lot of people cared a great deal about "keeping up with the Joneses" and keeping up appearances in general in the 1950's. This is not to say that people who hung out with their pastors always had ulterior motives, but come on, admit it...people would have probably been impressed when you casually mentioned at tea the next day that you had the pastor and his wife over for dinner last night. Because they, like everyone else, want to know about him. What's he like? What's she like? Was he normal?

As a teacher's wife I compare it to a student seeing their teacher outside of the school they go to. Especially out in a social situation like having dinner with friends or taking the little one out for a walk in town - the kids often do a double-take, like "what are you doing here?" Because, as we all know, teachers, pastors, and family doctors typically stay 24/7 in their schools, churches, and offices, respectively.

And so the idea of becoming friends with a priest or pastor served two puproses: one - friendship. Two - social status.

The second major difference between the 1950's clergyman and one now is that today, on the whole, they seem a little friendlier, a little more down to earth, and that they don't want to remain under the facade that they are anything other than just a normal human being. Who just happens to know a lot about the Bible. For example, the pastor at our church uses himself as an example of what not to do almost weekly - he's humanizing himself! Which, believe me, is a lot easier to listen to and relate to than someone telling me how much better than me they are or how much "work" I have to do in order to get closer to God. Frankly, that's just not how God operates. And I like a pastor who acknowledges that!

Well anyway, thanks for enduring my "controversial" topics this week. I'm certain the next post will be business as usual. To close, I'll leave you with a bit of education from Amy Vanderbilt. When addressing a priest in writing it's:

Reverend Father or Dear Father Cullen

And wouldn't you know, it's the same darn thing if you're addressing him in person. Thanks for keeping it simple, Amy.

Until next time, God bless!!

It's About to Get Political

As my little boy just celebrated his first birthday, I have found myself thinking a lot about the world he will grow up in. We got through the first year unscathed, and I look forward to all the great times ahead of us. However, I have also found myself worrying at times for the things we may have to survive. I was a freshman in college when the September 11th attacks happened and I remember like it was yesterday how it shook me to the core. Everyone related it to what Pearl Harbor must have been like for our grandparents...a day that will live in infamy.

Thinking about our nation's politics and all the craziness a two-party system invites, I truly feel for the President and all the difficult decisions that have faced him so far as well as those that will face him in the future. Let me also be quick to say this has nothing to do with political party or even the President himself. I felt the same way about George W. Bush when he was in office. It just can't be an easy job, there's no doubt about it.

As I ponder these things, and pray for the best possible world for my son, I think it would be interesting to compare the man who was president for most of the 1950's, Dwight D. Eisenhower with our current president, Barack Obama. What similarities do these men share? What are/were the main difficulties of their presidencies? Is there really more to fear now than ever before? Or are we still dealing with the same issues of the 1950's, just in slightly different packaging? Hang with me...it's about to get political.

According to www.whitehouse.gov, Dwight D. Eisenhower, the 34th President of the United States "worked incessantly during his two terms to ease the tensions of the Cold War."

Ten presidencies later, Barack Obama is trying to fight The War on Terror and ease tensions in the Middle East.

Dwight D. Eisenhower, or "Ike" as he was referred to, enjoyed a "sweeping victory" to the presidency, as did Barack Obama. It seems like both these men campaigned around the idea of hope, which the nation so desperately needed at the time of their respective elections.

Ike and Barack both had to deal with budget issues (apparently we couldn't get our spending under control in the 50's either!) - and President Obama's are far from over. Somehow he needs to find a way to get the two parties to work together and really make the decisions that are best for the American people. And that is not a task I envy in the least!

"As desegregation of schools began, [Eisenhower] sent troops into Little Rock, Arkansas, to assure compliance with the orders of a Federal court; he also ordered the complete desegregation of the Armed Forces. 'There must be no second class citizens in this country,' he wrote." (www.whitehouse.gov). Decades later, our country has elected the first African American president. We still have a long way to go, but there is a part of me that is hopeful that we could one day live in a country where there truly aren't any people thought of as second class citizens - I'm guessing no one would have believed back in Ike's day that there ever would be an African American president!

As I read through the struggles each of these presidents has had to face, I realize that there is no way to shelter my son completely from the evils of this world. I also realize that the evils of this world haven't gotten any bigger since Eisenhower's day, though they certainly remain. Beacause of this, I believe that all presidents deserve respect as the elected leader of our nation. I don't have to agree with everything they do or say, but I will try not to be disrespectful of our country's president, no matter who they are. They have the least desirable job I can think of and everyone in the world watching them while they do it!

Amy Vanderbilt states in her Guide to Gracious Living that if you are ever in a situation in which you are addressing the president in writing, you do it this way:

"My dear Mr. President".

And you sign the letter:

"Very respectfully," (p. 437). Coincidence? I think not.

Behind Every Good Man...

I was watching an episode of Father Knows Best for blog research today, and I was struck by the interactions between the family members, particularly between Margaret, the mother, and Jim, Father himself. When I think of 50's family dynamics, I think of things just as the title of the show suggests: Father knows best. For some reason, that gives the impression that Mother should silently agree with whatever dear Father says.

I was thrilled to see that Margaret Anderson (bless her sweet heart) had a mind of her own. The episode I watched (on Hulu - a gift of the new millennium and something they definitely did without in the 50's!) was episode 3 of the entire series, entitled "The Motor Scooter." In this episode, Jim wants desperately to gift his teenage son Bud with a motor scooter, but Margaret disapproves. She fears Bud isn't responsible enough and/or he will get in an accident. Sounds like a typical mother from any decade to me!

Margaret, donning her pearls and baking (actually, burning) cornbread - perhaps there's hope for me yet! - puts her foot down on the matter of the motor scooter right away. Her first response is, "I'm not going to let you give it to him, Jim!"

I was astounded by the "I'm not going to let you." Father Knows Best portrays the epitome of 50's family life, and here is a wife forbidding her husband to do something. She later states (after more of Jim's pleading) "The appeal is denied, the answer is no." And although Jim won't give up the fight easily, he actually does end up listening to her. And what's more....he obeys!

As a mother (not yet of a teenager, thank God!), I can see exactly where Margaret is coming from. We are, the moment we become mothers, worriers. Creeping in to check on the baby who sleeps through the night for the first time - are they still breathing? Following 2 inches behind them with arms outstretched as they crawl around the house, ever ready to keep their head from hitting the floor or to keep the cat food out of their mouth. I can only imagine it gets worse when they start driving...and become less and less easy to follow!

Though my career as a parent is just beginning, I can also plainly see that both parents have to be on the same team. Sure there are always going to be times when parents disagree - one is a little more lenient about some things, the other a bit more strict. But presenting a united front to the kids is important. And I do like that, for the most part, that's how the Andersons operate. They keep the motor scooter a secret from Bud until they decide together that it's best if he doesn't have it.

I won't spoil the ending for you, in case you want to scoot (pun intended) over to Hulu to watch the episode yourself, but I just had to comment on the fact that even in the 50's mothers had a voice. It wasn't just "Father Knows Best;" it was also "Behind Every Good Man...!"

Getting Your Money's Worth

A lot of people close to me have recently asked "Why did you start your blog? How did you choose a topic for it?" Basically, I wanted to write about something that I find interesting, and for whatever reason, the 50's have always intrigued me. I am a social worker, and I love family work - the 50's family has always appealed to me, at least the way it is depicted on tv and in movies. I wanted to choose something that I wouldn't soon lose interest in, even if no one else chooses to tune in to what I have to say.

Also, I'm a terrible "housewife." Perhaps terrible is too strong a word, but at the very least, homemaking does not come naturally to me. But I so want it to. I often find myself perusing MarthaStewart.com and reading an article where she is explaining something she (and presumably most of her readers) will find relatively simple...and I'm scratching my head wondering how the heck to plant flowers, grow vegetables, or serve a whole chicken. And I'm not convinced I will ever truly "get it."

So this is my fun experiment, and if I can learn a thing or two along the way, that's good, too. I hope to benefit my family with the changes I'm going to make, and perhaps friends, too if they should be so lucky as to sample some 50's fare (excluding noodle loaf!). I read something that encouraged me in my pursuit today and I thought I would share it with you. It's from Successful Entertaining at Home, which is quickly becoming one of my favorite books. This particular passage has do with the idea of making the most of what you have and living a rich life even if you aren't, well...rich.

I read an insurance report not long ago which said that money troubles, strangely enough, were not the greatest troubles in families. Families do remarkably well at living within their means, it seems; but getting happiness from the money they have is the great problem (p. 355).

How true is that? Since my son was born in May, my husband and I went from being DINKS (double income, no kids) to OIOKs...ok, I just made that up...one income, one kid...s..not sure it works quite the same. A synonym for that is: CRAZY. We live in one of the most expensive areas of the country and my husband is a teacher...so, you know, we're not exactly rolling in the dough. However, neither of us could stomach the idea of me working full time and putting our baby boy in daycare.

The funny thing is, we have not really struggled much, despite having significantly less money than we did a year ago. I mean, I don't get Starbucks as much, and I haven't been to the mall in a while, but I don't feel as if we've really given anything up. We still have friends over for dinner, we still go out occasionally, and we live a very full life. Not to mention I get to be with my sweet boy all day and don't have to shell out an ungodly sum for daycare every month. Oh, also...we still eat, have heat, can buy food for our son, have clothes, and HD cable TV. It's funny to think about how worried we were about money only to realize we have always had everything we need. And then some. We are truly blessed.

...Living and homemaking is a business these days, as much as any other. Let's hope you get your money's worth.

I don't know about you, but I fully intend to.