There are many things about the 1950's that I love, as you may have gathered from my previous posts. Although I haven't attained "June status" yet as a housewife, I am doing my best every day, researching and putting to use what I have learned as best I possibly can...while living in 2011. The more I learn about the fabulous 50's, the more I love about them. Sure, things weren't perfect then, and I don't expect they will ever be this side of heaven, but it seems that there was a greater sense of propriety and a shared societal understanding of what is and what is not appropriate behavior back then.
So I guess that's why I am more than just a little bit baffled that roughly 60 years later, some things have gone completely out the window.
For example, this past weekend I was fortunate enough to be able to take a "girls weekend" away to visit my best friend in Wilmington, North Carolina. We had a ball - went to the beach every day, out for nice meals, antiquing, and had plenty of great conversations. Saturday night after dinner, she wanted to take me to a rooftop bar where she and her friends often like to go. The place was great - it had a beautiful view of the city, it wasn't too crowded, and the dj was playing music I actually like. My best friend and a couple of other girls she knows were just doing our thing, having fun on the dance floor when out of nowhere my friend looks at me like a deer in headlights because she sees what's coming and I clearly don't. Some random dude has come up behind me and tries to start dancing with me (or some version of that) without even a) asking me or b) facing me.
I whip around just as this bonehead's arm is about to secure itself around my waist and promptly say: "Hi, although I really appreciate you taking the time to ask me if I want to dance, I'm hanging out with my friends. And by the way, I'm married." To which my friend added, "AND she has a baby!!" HA. That ought to do it! And with that, the rejected gentleman (and that's using the term loosely, believe me) disappeared into the crowd.
Just as we were getting back to getting our groove on, three more guys came over to us and said: "We just saw you tell those other guys you didn't want to dance with them, but..." And in my head I'm like "But what? You think you're different or special or better looking than they were?" I politely (as possible) pointed to the single ladies and went to the bar to get a drink. Momentarily, I was left to my own thoughts waiting for the bartender's attention and I couldn't help but wonder...how did we get here?!
According to Amy Vanderbilt, in the 50's, there were dance cards - not only did gentlemen ask the ladies if they would care for a dance, they basically scheduled the dances in advance! Oh, how sweet those days must have been! In the 50's (or at least at card-dance), no female was essentially danced upon unwillingly by a man with absolutely zero manners. And if a woman was asked for a dance by a man she didn't care to dance with, she had a choice in the matter - she had the option of politely refusing his polite request.
No lady need dance with anyone if for some reason she doesn't care to. But she must always be polite in her refusal (p. 218, Guide to Gracious Living).
You see the distinction? What Ms. Vanderbilt is suggesting is that there is never a place for rude behavior or speech. A woman is not a senseless object to be used however a man sees fit - most of all when the man doesn't even know the woman, or care to know her, as can only be assumed by the essential "hostage taking" that happens on dance floors in clubs today. I realize I may be coming across as prude, but I don't think women have to share my love of the 50's to share the opinion that men's dance club behavior has become an absolute abhorrence.
There were, of course, dames of the 50's who had to avoid their own awkward dance floor moments:
Girls, of course, get stuck too during interminable dances when no one asks to cut in. When no relief seems in sight either partner can suggest leaving the floor, usually under the pretext that there are too many couples dancing, that a drink, or a talk, or a walk in the air might be more fun (p. 218).
Ah, if only it were that simple again! To have the worst problem a girl could face on the dance floor be "getting stuck in an interminable dance." I do wonder how shocked women who had full dance cards in the 50's would be to see the hideous mess that has become of dancing in our society today. Because let's be honest...seeing a woman literally man-handled is shocking no matter what generation you grew up in. At least, it should be. Women nowadays put up with too much and ask for too little in return, if you ask me. I hope my son will grow up to be a gentleman and if I ever have a daughter...well, she's not leaving the house until she's 40!!!
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